Sorry! I have neglected so much! I almost don’t know where to start! I’m just going to post a few pics from Puerto Rico and some from my 21^st birthday which was August 26^th.

Wow..I need to talk about the situation with Kappa that transpired on the 19^th. I told him before that I felt like I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore once I was 21 because I felt like we weren’t progressing. Of course we both know that I wasn’t too serious.

So the 19^th was a Wednesday. On Monday I went over  his house and I left this jewelry set over there, so he texted me and told me.  This is how the situation went from there via text:

Me: Can I come get it since I’m out already

Him: I’m not home I’m at Bowie [Bowie State University] but I’ll be home later…

Me: I’ll just come get it tomorrow

Him: Ok, looks like I’m spending the night here just come over before you get your hair done. Knock on the door I’ll be home

Me: ok

A FEW HOURS LATER AROUND 3AM!

Him: Call me before you come over

Me: Umm…ok  

MIND YOU HE LIVES LITERALLY 2 LIGHT AWAY FROM ME I’M THINKING THIS IS ODD.

So the next morning is here and I’m blowing his phone up and it’s going straight to voicemail. Finally I give up and go over. I see his car outside, and I’m like bomb I know he’s here. So I’m outside stll calling him and he does not answer.

So  I get into the apartment building and the janitor is vacuuming the floor so naturally I bang on the door so he can hear me over the vacuum.

He comes to the door in shores no shirts and socks. He doesn’t let me in but closed the door in around his back and this is the convo

Him: Don’t ever bang on my fucking door like that

Me: Ummm…ok can I have my stuff

                He reaches into his pocket and pulls out my jewelry set which to me is already odd as shit like Who are you hiding it from?

Him: Just don’t bang on my fucking door anymore

I look around him and here comes this broad with her PJs on, hair in rollers like…like she live there.  I told her good morning, told him thank you and left.

I spoke to him once since then. The day before my birthday..I told him that unless it’s an apology or an explanation I don’t want to talk to him. I told him he does not deserve the right to even breathe my name and that when I see him he does not deserve the right to make eye contact with me.

This is what the situation really is:

1.       He’s been living with that girl for close to a year now

2.       They’re engaged

3.       He never broke up with her contrary to what he told me.

So he came into my job yesterday and was talking to my friend. Asking about me…apparently the girl kicked him out and now he has to move back home and he feels so bad and blah blah blah. I’m never talking to him again…he disgraced me and I don’t need him in my life.

Am I wrong?

Perhaps I should elaborate. I am not mad at him persay, but the circumstances. I mentioned about the fan club, ok cool contrary to his belief I am not as jealous as I may give of.

But I have people..well girls writing in my honesty box telling me about the situation and about how he conducts himself. I’m over it. I hate it this shit is dumb. I don’t like people in my business and telling me about what he’s doing with who.

As a disclaimer I’m not a trusting person by nature. Read my old LJ entries and reach about my rocky ass relationship with Lovely for all those years. I don’t have blind trust ever because people have no regard for how others feel generally..and I gave a wall up

He said it sounds like bologna. WTF?! WHY WOULD I LIE! I need a break…I do. Maybe it’s me?!

News, news...where to begin?

School! One more semester and its settling in that I really am about to be a college graduate. In a matter of mere months I’ll have my bachelor’s. It’s such a blessing because God knows plenty of times I have doubted myself. So tomorrow I’m registering for my LSAT and stamping the fact that I am in fact going to law school…it feels like I just graduated high school for real. IDK what my grades this semester look like though…my entry into Greekdom definitely had an effect on my GPA, but I still haven’t gotten y final grades yet.

Summer loving! Ahh, I’m boosted! Gym class starts tomorrow to get my body bikini ready and my master cleanse starts again on Wednesday with an astonishing 4 of my coworkers. This is probably my third time or so doing it and I always see about 10lbs of results, typically from my face which I feel is getting chubby. Yay me! I’m excited!

Alssssssooooo...buying my first car in about a month or so! Damn feels like a big girl move! But I am going to be 21, and have no bills at all. So I’m looking to make that move towards the end of July. So far I have 5,000 but I’m only using 3 towards the car. I still need my baby nest egg just in case. 

For my 21^st—looks like I’m making a trip to Puerto Ricccoooooo! Yay me! I’m boosted. So the plan is to be there from August 20^th though the 24^th and then once I come back, a day of rest and then my actually birthday is the 26^th so I can lounge it out in Adams Morgan with my boos or the new National Harbor out in Oxen Hill. So excited to make it that long!

What next…oh yeah...love life. So yes I’m still messing with T. I love him, I really do and I’m starting to understand my role even more. Sex buddy/best friend/support system. It’s weird..complicated in that we’re not together—but sometimes I feel like we are. He’s the dude that has me writing all those cryptic entries. IDK, I PLAN on having the best summer of my life, with or without him. I’m not going to dwell on it too much because all we have is sex. Bomb sex.but just sex. So I know my role.

The new…well not so new man in my life is Beale...or Ty depending on who you ask. Yes he is a KAPPA and yes I am a SGRHO and we have Indiana Love as well as being sandz. Throughout my process that was the only person I could VENT to about things, even though I didn’t know what frat he was doing and vice versa. But he crossed the week before me. What a perfect Greek love story lol

I liked him back when I was…17 or so? But he did not take me seriously, guess because of the age thing. So we’ve been friends since then and only in January did he come at me…and I responded lol. Idk..He’s the nicest guy I know for real. He is my biggest fan and it’s just a little hard because talking to another Greek is rough. People always want to be in your business.

We just stamped the facebook relationship Saturday and his LBs already sent me friend requests. That’s crazy! We’ll see how long it lasts this time around. But he does make me smile and I do like chilling with him…he’s tall as hell though…6’7. But I’m used to it, and him. Lying with him is like biting into a chocolate chip cookie after a rough day. Like...that’s my rock.

Let’s see how this summer goes. 





Me at Work <3 Peep the dog tags, I mean I am a Pretty Poodle! EE-YIPPPP1

It was hard falling for him. Everyone told me I was a fool, allowing myself to be corrupted and being so weak. But when it comes to love there is not weak or strong. There is no right or wrong way to love someone.

Putting that one person before everyone else is hard. Telling friends, family and loved ones that for once they do not matter. Their snide remarks and disgruntled faces meant nothing. When I was with him, the world stopped. Phones didn’t ring, traffic didn’t move and my breath shortened. Nothing mattered except the beauty that was him and the vibrations that it caused in my young heart.

It was hard for me to classify the yearning I had in my heart. Or the way that my lips would curve into a smile against my will whenever I thought of him, which was often. I hated the way that I would day dream about being with him and how it took all the power in the world not to pick up the phone and call him just to hear the baritone of his voice. To let it encompass me and force a sense of peacefulness around me even if I wasn’t ready for him.

How could I tell people that I awoke for him? That every step I made and every move I made was for him. That I could not sleep without hearing his voice and knowing that wherever he was, he was thinking about me. That his kisses made me a better person? I had started to attribute all his failures to my own shortcomings. Without him I was incomplete, only ½ of a soul.

The day finally came when I could find a work for all these feelings. We were making love and just before he peaked there was a second where he grabbed my chin and pulled my face to his. Caught up in my own ecstasy I had not even looked at him. But his brown eyes met mine and the sweat from his brow landed on my check and rolled to my chin. I was captivated by him and in his eyes I saw the same passion and emotion that I had. Keeping eye contact I struggled against my orgasm to bring m dry lips to his hot ear and whisper, “I love you”

And I meant it.

I find myself still wanting him. Thinking about how great he is and wondering how I let him go.

I find myself missing him more and more every day. I like how pretty his eyes look in the sun and the way that he always puts his hand on my neck when we are together. I like the way he grabs me and pulls me close. I like the way that he walks up behind me sometimes and holds me real close. I like the way he always grabs my hand and tries to sneak a kiss from me at work. I like the way he always expects me to feed him when we’re at work. I like the way that I am protective about him when people talk about him. I like the way that I defend him when anyone talks about him. I like the way that he gets mad at me and then gets over himself. I like the way that he calms me down when I’m angry or upset.

I think I like him.

I think I want him and I want everybody that we know to know how he makes me feel.

He is the sun and I crave him and the energy that he brings to my life.

If only he knew…

20 Facts About Me

1.       I can write with my toes.

2.       I am not at all a forgiving person, I hold grudges.

3.       If I laugh while I’m eating stuff comes out my nose.

4.       I always want what I can’t have as far as men/relationships.

5.       I secretly am scared to have kids because I think I’ll be a bad parent.

6.       Commit scared me like the black plague.

7.       After I got tested for HIV, I bugged everyone around me to do the same for a few weeks. You NEED to know your status.

8.       When I was little I always thought that I would die young.

9.       I want to lose 50 pounds by my birthday but everyone says that’s way too much weight for me to lose and that I would look emaciated. I think I’d look cute.

10.   I don’t know who I can call a friend anymore.

11.   Silence is the best weapon when conflict arises.  It stings much more than any words can.

12.   I am vain. I look at myself at least 20 times day and I love what I see.

13.   When I was younger  got my palm read and was told that I would lead two entirely different love lives based on an important decision I make in my life

14.   I hate when men try to talk to me at work. I’m there to make money, not be harassed by the likes of you.

15.   When I am home alone, I lock ll the windows, close all the doors and confine myself to one room. I HATE being home alone.

16.   I don’t think I would marry for love, I fear I will marry for convenience.

17.   I want to put my career first, nothing else.

18.   I don’t correct people when they say my name wrong anymore. I just smile and nod politely.

19.   After I graduate in December I want to move and begin the next phase of my life alone.

20.   I’m scared I won’t get into any law schools.

So I’m too lazy to type a real entry. But I went to inauguration and saw our new president up close lol had to leave my house a 3:30 and wait all day in the cold but I saw him close enough.

And I got my first weave! It’s a partial and I love it, I feel like I look older, like I’m actually about to be 21 (in like 7 months of course lol). So here are some pics and I’ll be back sometime to write something with substance.

Ugh. UMBC starts back the 26^th. This is my last day of freedom. :-(

Ok..this facial expression isn't cute. I shall try again

Better! LOL!

Inaguration! 

4th Street at 4M!